Application for the Federal Bail-Out Program, 2008-2009 (A bit of humor)
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The Conejo Valley Guide "Welcome" blog covers a wide range of topics, local information, highlights of local things to do, compilations and other items. Focus is on information relevant to Ventura County and surrounding areas, including Thousand Oaks, Westlake Village, Newbury Park, Agoura Hills, Calabasas, Malibu, Simi Valley, Camarillo, Moorpark, Somis, Fillmore, Santa Paula, Ojai, Oxnard, Port Hueneme, Santa Barbara and Moorpark.
The Conejo Valley Guide® "Welcome" blog covers a wide range of topics, local information, local things to do, holiday event compilations, announcements and more.
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This is Anita Renfroe's popular summation of what a mom says in a 24 hour period into 2 minutes, 55 seconds, sung to the tune of the William Tell Overture. The lyrics are shown below after the video. Visit www.anitarenfroe.com to learn more about her. (Is it my imagination or does she have a close resemblance to Sarah Palin?)
And here's another very nice rendition of the song by Patti Harshey:
"The Mom Song"
Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepyhead
Here's your clothes and your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now! Get up and make your bed
Are you hot? Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and gloves and your scarf and hat
Don't forget! You gotta feed the cat
Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it's the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at 3 today
Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon so you must play
Don't shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside, don't play rough, will you just play fair?
Be polite, make a friend, don't forget to share
Work it out, wait your turn, never take a dare
Get along! Don't make me come down there
Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away
Make your bed, do it now, do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone! Get off the phone!
Don't sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table
No more computer time tonight!
Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up
Where are you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You'll appreciate my wisdom someday when you're older and you're grown
Can't wait till you have a couple little children of your own
You'll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now I thank you not to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew, would appreciate
Take a bite maybe two of the stuff you hate
Use your fork, do not burp or I'll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an A, get the door, don't get smart with me
Get a grip, get in here, I'll count to three
Get a job, get a life, get a PHD
Get a dose of,
"I don't care who started it!
You're grounded until you're 36"
Get your story straight and tell the truth for once, for heaven's sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump, too?
If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before
That you're too old to act this way
It must be your father's DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straighter when you walk
A place for everything and everything must be in place
Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth, wash your face, put your PJs on
Get in bed, get a hug, say a prayer with mom
Don't forget, I love you
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends
You don't need the reason why
Because, because, because, because
I said so, I said so, I said so, I said so
I'm the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom!!
Ta da!!!
VENTURA COUNTY SHERIFF
MEDIA RELEASE
Bob Brooks, Sheriff

Nature of Incident: Beware the reverse lottery scam, especially in this economy
Date: Nov. 26, 2008
Unit Responsible: East County Forgery / Fraud Unit
Narrative: Let’s face it; we would all like to win the lottery, especially in these difficult economic times. However, not all lotteries are created equal. Beware the letter or phone call explaining that you’ve won something, but have to pay taxes or a fee in order to claim the prize.
Avoid answering any letters or calls originating from outside the United States, especially Canada or Nigeria.
Advance-fee lottery scams are still a major problem. The letters and checks are arriving at your mailboxes right about now, just when you can least afford to give your money away to thieves. The targets are often people who can least afford to absorb the financial loss: the elderly.
The most common scam is the phone call from someone in Canada congratulating the unsuspecting victim that he or she has won a lottery. In order to claim the prize, the victim is told to wire $10,000.00 via Western Union to a person in Canada. The money covers the taxes, fees, and insurance the lottery officials require before shipping the winning check to the victim.
Another variation is a letter congratulating the lottery winner, along with a check made out to the victim. The letter asks the recipient to kindly deposit the $5,000.00 check into the bank, and then wire $4,000.00 back to the thief to pay taxes and fees. Then, the winner will receive the real prize.
By the time the victim realizes the check is worthless, he has already sent $4,000.00 of his own money to the suspect.
One thing people need to keep in mind is that there is no such thing as paying fees or taxes up front to claim any sweepstakes or lottery in the United States. If an offer seems too good to be true, then it is very likely a scam.
Many unsuspecting victims have drained their savings accounts and wired money to thieves in places like Canada and Nigeria. Many of the cases go unsolved because of the international scope of the transactions. The suspects often send professional looking paperwork to the victims that appear legitimate. They follow up with persuasive phone calls to lure victims into sending or wiring money.
The website for the Federal Trade Commission (www.ftc.gov) provides a wealth of information for consumers about a variety of fraud schemes, including international lotteries. According to the FTC, it is actually a violation of federal law to participate in a foreign lottery via the mail or by telephone.
Additional information can be obtained from the website of the United States Secret Service, www.secretservice.gov, which contains information regarding the advance-fee fraud scheme.
Officer Preparing Release: Detective Eric Buschow
Follow-up Contact: Detective Eric Buschow (805) 494-8226 / (805) 947-8129
Approved by: Capt. Bruce Watlington
Date of Release: Nov. 26, 2008
All right, folks, Conejo Joe here. I've been on a week long trip to San Diego with my family and am back in action.
The economy has been a major concern and drag on all of us. What a year. Gas prices rising to over $4 a gallon and now we're seeing prices below $2. The stock market has been hammered over 50% from its highs and it has hit all of us hard in our retirement savings. We've seen dozens of companies filing bankruptcy or scaling back. Foreclosures all over the place. Real estate prices are way way down. Unemployment rates are sky high. It has certainly been a stressful year.
But you know what? We are resilient and we will come back. We are all in this together and we have seen this cycle before. We have a broad, diversified economy and somehow, some way, we will all make it through these economic doldrums.
Our trip gave me hope. We visited Legoland, Sea World, Downtown San Diego and we saw lots and lots of people out there, experiencing life, enjoying themselves, spending money, regardless of the bad economy. Heck, we even had to stand in lines!! There are too many things in life to live for and enjoy. Why let a little recession ruin the fun!?
If you are unemployed, there are still plenty of jobs out there! They may not pay exactly what you want, but sometimes we need to step back to move forward. Check out Monster.com, Craig's List, the local newspapers. Network in LinkedIn and other social networking sites. Make something happen. Our country needs each and every one of you. There are jobs out there for everyone. They don't always hit you in the face. You need to take action and FIND them!
OK, OK, Mervyns went bankrupt, Linens & Things went bankrupt, Sharper Image went bankrupt, Circuit City just filed for bankruptcy and the banking industry changed so much that we hardly recognize it. But ya know what, I HATED Mervyns, Linens & Things, Sharper Image and Circuit City. Last time I visited Circuit City I waited 20 minutes for help and there were no customers in the store. Mervyns was never exactly enjoyable. Times change and some businesses can't keep up with change. (I do like the Janss Marketplace very much and hope that the void left by the loss of Mervyns and Linens & Things is filled quickly).
In the meantime, The Oaks mall has been through a major upgrade and a large new Nordstrom store opened in September. And a high-end Muvico movie theatre is slated to open at The Oaks in early 2009. The U.S. Government has stepped in and provided a backstop for large financial institutions like Citigroup, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley and JP Morgan Chase by investing in these companies.
So bottom line is this. We live in a very cyclical, dynamic and changing world. Don't overreact. Don't not act. Now is the time to start investing in your future. Make things happen. Everything is a two-edged sword. Real estate and stock prices have tumbled. But perhaps that gives us the buying opportunity of a lifetime. Your company went bankrupt and you are out of a job. Well maybe you hated that job and this gives you the opportunity to find what you enjoy. Or become a consultant. Or start your own business!
We have seen how quickly things can change. TAKE ACTION! Don't just sit there! Don't wait for the "perfect" opportunity or situation. Now is the time. If you snooze, you lose! Try something new! Don't rely on others to make it happen for you.
There is too much to enjoy in life to sweat the current economic situation we face. As the Resident Rabbit of this website of local goings on, I can tell you that hundreds of hundreds of events and activities take place locally each year and thousands upon thousands of us participate. Yeah, yeah, Conejo Valley Days may be history, but you know what, there are dozens upon dozens of other events that have taken its place.
So in this holiday season, enjoy yourselves, have FUN and remember...we are all in this together. After all is said and done, our goals are all similar. We want to live happy, healthy, loving lives. Let's work together and make it happen!
We have so many things that make where we live such a wonderful, unique place...the weather, the beaches, the climate, and now, The Los Angeles Regional Paparazzi Task Force. Formed by Los Angeles City Councilmember Dennis Zine, the goal is to address ways of dealing with issues related to paparazzi.
The Task Force came up with a one page "Citizen's Guide" (also see below) to dealing with paparazzi. As I am famous celebrity Conejo Joe, I have already printed the guide and glued it to my dashboard.
What does paparazzi mean anyway? Well no one is completely sure according to this Wikipedia article but one source says papparazi (plural for papparazo) came from an Italian dialect that describes a particularly annoying noise, that of a buzzing mosquito. Federico Fellini, director of the 1960 film La dolce vita, remembered a boy who was nicknamed "Paparazzo" (Mosquito) because of his fast talking and constant movements, a name Fellini later applied to the fictional character in the movie. Sounds plausible. Another line of thought is that Fellini discovered the name by randomly opening the 1901 book "By the Ionian Sea," which has a hotel owner by the name Signor Paparazzo. Hmmm. All right, all right, I'll stop this nonsense.

From a 10/21/08 Thousand Oaks Police Department Media Release:
Nature of Incident: Crime Alert: Catalytic converter thefts on the increase
Location: Throughout Thousand Oaks and Ventura County
The price of recycled metals has skyrocketed in recent years due to high demand and surging commodity prices. Although prices have eased since the recent economic downturn, thieves have capitalized on the trend by stealing manhole covers, bronze statues, irrigation pipes, and copper wiring. One item that has captured the attention of thieves is the catalytic converter. The emission control device found on all modern gas-powered cars is being removed from parked cars across the country.
Our local communities are no exception. There have been 56 thefts of catalytic converters throughout Ventura County since June 1, 2008. Forty seven of the thefts were from Toyota vehicles, and 17 occurred in Thousand Oaks. Thieves typically target sport utility vehicles, since the ground clearance allows them to easily work underneath the vehicle. They either cut the device off the vehicle with power tools, or unbolt it, depending on the configuration.
Catalytic converters contain small amounts of platinum, palladium, and rhodium, which are highly prized metals. They can be sold to metal recyclers for amounts that vary between $25.00 and $100.00 apiece, depending on market prices.
The biggest cost of these thefts ends up on the shoulders of the victims. Replacement catalytic converters cost between $1,000.00 and $1,500.00, depending on the make and model of the vehicle.
Many of the thefts have occurred in public parking lots during daylight hours. If you observe suspicious activity, such as someone working underneath a vehicle in a public area, contact your local law enforcement agency immediately.
My talented photographer friend in China has supplied us with a fresh set of pictures from Huangshan (literally Yellow Mountain) and Hongcun, a village near the southwest slope of Huangshan. Hongcun was made popular in 2000, with the release of Academy Award for Best Foreign Language winner (and Best Picture nominee) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon that was filmed there.






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