In the Good Ole Days They Just Raised Fares

Today we learned that American Airlines will start charging $15 to check in your luggage.  Yet another reason to steer clear of airline travel.  $15 doesn't bother me.  It's the fact that now more people than ever will lug their heavy bags onto the plane, causing more delays and frustration.  Not to mention the additional time and effort of collecting $15 from passengers opting to check in their bags.

Fuel costs are way up and airlines are losing money.  We understand. Just raise your fares!  Don't nickel and dime us to death with these miscellaneous fees! 

Let's amuse ourselves by reviewing AA's baggage fees (these fees are one way):

• First checked in bag (tickets bought after 6/14/08) is $15, unless you pay full fare, fly 25,000+ annual miles ("Gold" status) or are flying outside of America.
• Your 2nd checked bag costs $25.
• Your 3rd, 4th and 5th bags cost $100 each (I hope my wife is reading this).
• Your 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th bags cost $200 each (heck, I'll pay $200 just to watch how they lug all these bags out of the airport).  This is about what it costs to overnight a 50 lb bag via FedEx/UPS.
• The above fees are for bags up to 50 lbs.  If you have a 50 to 70 lb bag, add another $50.  For 70 to 100 lb bags, add $100 (not to mention the $200 chiropractic bill after pulling out your back).
• Your carry-on bag can weigh up to 40 lbs. 
• Checking in a pair of antlers up to 70 lbs, free of residue, costs $100.
• Checking in a javelin costs $100, but pole vaults are not allowed.  Make sure your recreational pole vaulter friends are aware of this policy.

Other Fees:

• Soft drinks and other non-alcoholic drinks are still "FREE" on flights!  Drink up!
• But beer and other alcoholic beverages cost $5 apiece. 
• Snacks like cookies, nuts and chips cost $3 each.
• Flights 3+ hours offer sandwiches for $5 (this actually doesn't seem so bad).
• Headsets for those without their own cost $2.

Animal House:

It costs $100 to bring a pet in the cabin and $150 to check it in.  AA only accepts cats and dogs, so leave your turtle at home.  The cabin container can be 23" long x 13" wide x 9" high.  Animals must be able to stand and turn around in the container, but are not required to do the hocky pocky.  The container may weigh up to 20 lbs and contain up to 2 dogs or cats (but not one of each), but if there are 2 they have to be between 8 weeks and 6 months old.  The maximum number of kennels allowed (on flights that accept them) are 2 in first class and 5 in coach.  This means that in theory you could be on a flight with 14 puppies and kittens, plus any service dogs, in the cabin.

Share your humorous flight stories by adding a comment or sending them here.